Strategies for overcoming anger (part 2)

Last week we first looked at recognizing the roots of anger.  It is important to know the root so that you can respond appropriately instead of reacting destructively. Once you determined the root, how do you overcome it?

The Bible gives us lots of examples of people who have gotten angry and it turned to sin and destruction. We can learn from their mistakes. Cain and Able, Jacob and Esau, Moses and the people, and Pharisees and Jesus are all stories that end poorly. 

Anger itself is an emotion that acts like a warning light so we can respond well. Most people react instead of respond. This is not a game of semantics. Have you ever played the game, flinch? It is a boy thing. Initially we react to someone trying to smack our hand. Eventually you learn to respond and find ways to avoid the smack. 

We know we will get angry at some point. We need to train ourselves how to respond to various anger triggers. James says that we should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Being quick to hear means, you are not reactionary. A way to help with this is to lower your overall stress. This lowers the possibility of anger. Limit being in a rush. 

Save yourself some pain. Be realistic. If you have to get across town in 20 minutes and it normally takes 40 then you are setting yourself up for failure and frustration. Lower your expectations of people. Better yet, start communicating expectations. People can not read your mind. This sparks fights and resentment in relationships if these are not discussed. 

Learn to say “no”. This is difficult for some people. They want to please everyone and end up hurting themselves. Learn to be selective. Most people respect a person who can just give a plain yes or no response.  

Learn to admit when you are wrong or have made a mistake. My kids get angry when they get caught doing wrong or make a mistake. Confession and repentance brings real peace. If we want others to do that, we too need to be quick to admit when have wronged someone else. When we get good at reconciling then we can help others get there too. 

The apostle Paul tells the Ephesians that we must control anger before it controls you. If it gets a foothold by stewing on it too long, the devil will use it to hurt you and others. Slow your anger down by talking to God about it first. He will give you wisdom. Then go to the offender and let them know. Use an “I” statement, I feel angry when you _______.  This is a non-threatening rebuke. Wait for repentance. If it comes, forgive. If it doesn’t, leave it with God and the person alone. You cannot have forgiveness without confession and repentance. 

I know you want to Kung fu the person in the face. God is giving us another way. We cannot return evil for evil, hurt for hurt, offense for offense. Sometimes as Paul says to the people of Corinth, accept the injustice to yourself. Absorb the offense. That is what Jesus did on the cross. If we wish to be reconciled and be made right with God, we have to confess, repent and trust in his saving work. He will restore us. 

Do this and you will overcome anger.